A.I. told me I’m just afraid, and damn it, it’s right.
A chat on confronting and overcoming fear plus a 1 year life update at the end!
One day last year (2024) while sipping coffee, partaking in what I can only assume to be procrastination, I began to wonder… Why am I NOT doing the things I KEEP dreaming about, say I want to do, NEED to do!? HOW am I still stuck in this cycle after 5 years of dreaming about something, declaring I’m going to do it, and then find myself NOT DOING IT!? Why do I keep hopping around but coming back to the same things time and time again that I deeply desire to live out? I promise you, I know I have the best intentions on moving forward. I’m just not. I know I can’t get these visions of my possible future out of my head, so I know they mean something to me, so what gives!?
Psychology pokes at my curiosity. The way our brains form, work, and can change intrigues me. The fact our brains interpret life into what we then call reality fascinates me! So I wanted to know why, perhaps, I was resisting going after my dreams, because let’s be real, I can make all the excuses I want to try to justify and why I did or didn’t do these things, but at the end of the day- I did not and was not doing them. WHY!?
So I turned to Chat GPT to get some ideas. The word “resist” seemed to make the most sense at the time. What it kicked back was something I had heard a lot about.
“Why Do People Resist Going After Their Dreams?”
“People resist going after their dreams for various reasons. One common factor is fear - fear of failure, fear of the unknown, or fear of stepping out of their comfort zone. The idea of pursuing something outside of their current status quo can be daunting and overwhelming.
Additionally, practical concerns play a significant role in resistance. Financial stability, societal expectations, and responsibilities can hinder individuals from taking the leap towards their dreams. The fear of jeopardizing their current stability or disappointing others can lead to resistance and hesitation.
Moreover, self-doubt and lack of self-belief can also hold people back. Insecurities about their own abilities or worthiness can create barriers to pursuing their dreams. The fear of not being good enough or capable enough can paralyze individuals from taking action.
External factors such as lack of support or discouragement from others can also contribute to resistance. Negative influences or unsupportive environments can diminish one’s confidence and motivation to chase their dreams.
In conclusion, a combination of fear, practical concerns, self-doubt, and external influences can lead people to resist going after their dreams. Overcoming these barriers requires self-awareness, courage, support, and a belief in oneself to push past limitations and pursue what truly fulfills them.”
Well, shit. There was that word again. FEAR. But… I wasn’t AFRAID! These were my DREAMS we’re talking about. I wasn’t hoping to face my fears, I was hoping to face my dreams! So I asked a little more about Fear.
Fear:.
“Fear is a primal emotion that is triggered by the perception of a threat, whether real or imaginary. It is a natural response aimed at keeping us safe from potential harm or danger. Fear can manifest in various forms, such as anxiety, dread, or panic. It can be both a motivator, prompting us to take action to protect ourselves, and a paralyzer, inhibiting us from facing challenges or risks. Fear is a complex and deeply rooted emotion that plays a significant role in human psychology and behavior”
I have heard many times that people don’t go after their dreams because they fear failure. So I decided to break that down next.
Failure:
“Failure is often perceived as the lack of success in achieving a desired goal or outcome. It is a natural part of the human experience and can present opportunities for growth, learning, and resilience. While failure may carry negative connotations, it is essential for personal development and can lead to valuable insights and new directions. Embracing failure with an open mindset can pave the way for future successes and a deeper understanding of oneself.”
Ok, sure. But I knew I could do this! I wasn’t delusional. I wasn’t picking something that was impossible- like becoming the next WNBA star. I’m barely 5’2” and I hate competitive sports… No! This was Art. This was Photography. These were the only thing so far in my life that I felt like I was good at, shit, dare I say great at. These are the things that make me feel like I belong, and stand out. I want to see myself succeed with these things!
And that’s when I remembered people talking about fear of success, which, I’ll be honest, never made sense to me. How can you fear getting what you want!? How can you fear winning? How can you fear accomplishing what you set out to accomplish??
And now for the kicker.
Allow me to hold your hand while you read this, because it may be jolting. Your reality and brain may be altered. You might find out the reason why you haven’t been moving forward isn’t because of all the great excuses you’ve told yourself that make you feel brave, smart, motivated, superior, strong, too busy, that the world is against you, or… pick your personal poison, really. No, if you read further you may find out that it’s your fault, and it’s because you’re scared.
Let me preface this by saying- that’s ok. So I asked
Why do people fear success:
“Success is often viewed as a positive outcome, a goal achieved, or a milestone reached. However, some individuals harbor a fear of success that may hinder their progress and fulfillment. This fear can stem from various underlying reasons.
One prevalent explanation is the fear of the unknown. Success often brings about new challenges, responsibilities, and expectations. Stepping into unfamiliar territory can be daunting, causing individuals to retreat to their comfort zones to avoid potential failure in handling the newfound success.
Moreover, the fear of judgment plays a significant role in why people fear success. Achieving success may invite scrutiny from others, leading to feelings of vulnerability and self-doubt. The pressure to maintain or exceed that level of success can be overwhelming, making some individuals prefer staying within their known limits.
Additionally, imposter syndrome contributes to the fear of success. Individuals experiencing imposter syndrome doubt their abilities and feel undeserving of their achievements, fearing that success will eventually expose them as frauds. This internal battle can sabotage one’s efforts to pursue and embrace success.
Furthermore, past experiences can also shape one’s fear of success. Previous failures or negative feedback may create a pessimistic outlook on achieving success, instilling a fear of repeating past disappointments. This fear can act as a barrier, preventing individuals from taking risks and reaching their full potential.
In the end, the fear of success is a complex emotion rooted in the unknown, judgment, imposter syndrome, and past experiences. Overcoming this fear requires introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to confront and challenge these underlying anxieties. By addressing these fears, individuals can embrace success with confidence and unlock their true potential.”
The epiphany I had revealed to me what was keeping me in the drowning purgatory pit of hell as my dreams passed me by, and it was this:
I don’t fear failure in the end, I don’t fear success in the end, I fear the failure that it may take in the journey to get to the success at the end.
I wasn’t afraid of failing, when looking at the big picture. Big picture, I knew I could do it- but in my head, that was all happening in a perfect world where I could see the end product, finished. I wasn’t afraid of success, I knew I was worthy of accomplishing my dreams. What scared the hell out of me every time I attempted to move forward was the reality that-
I have to get uncomfortable, I have to take some risks, I have to accept I may, and probably will, fail along the way.
Signing up for THAT felt overwhelming, and hard.
Lastly, I asked A.I.
Do we not actually fear success, but the journey it takes to get there?
“That’s a powerful question. I think a lot of people say they fear success, but it’s rarely the success itself that’s terrifying—it’s everything that comes before it. The uncertainty, the effort, the sacrifices, the possibility of failure along the way. Success asks for transformation, and transformation is uncomfortable.
We fear what success demands from us:
The discipline to keep showing up, even when it’s hard.
The discomfort of outgrowing old versions of ourselves.
The risk of being seen, judged, or misunderstood.
The responsibility that comes with achieving what we once only dreamed of.
Sometimes, success even means letting go of things we once loved or people who no longer align with our growth. It’s easier to stay in the comfort of “almost” rather than step into the unknown of “becoming.”
“It’s easier to stay in the comfort of “almost” rather than step into the unknown of “becoming.”
Ugh. I don’t know about you but I can’t live with that. I refuse to live with that. I don’t want to die with the sour words-” I could have done it, I almost did it, I should have tried” leaving my lips.
If I have to choose between that or- “I truly tried” I’m choosing I tried. Because you know what sentence holds the most possibility and the greater probability of also ending in “… and I fucking DID it!”?
The one where we step into the unknown. “Could have, should have, would have” will NEVER end in “I DID IT” but “I tried” can.
So, please. Try.
LIFE UPDATE. 1 YEAR LATER.
I am happy to report, a year later, I have stepped into the unknown. I have crossed over the “almost” threshold and sunk my teeth and feet deeply into the ground of “becoming.”
In secret I have published a Guided Journal that I’m releasing soon, I have started a Fine Art Phot Series, and I have started writing a short story. I refuse to almost live my dreams. I am becoming my dreams, and I am NO different than you. I just accepted I might fail a little (and I already have) and some days are going to suck (they have). And that’s ok. It’s worth it. I’m worth it. You’re worth it.
Please try.